Lesson 4: Refining Your Writing
Estimated Time: 35 minutes
Learning Objective: By the end of this lesson you will learn how to unify ideas and develop cohesion in your writing
Refining Your Writing
It’s very important that your writing be organised, accurate and cohesive if you want to attract and keep readers. As a rule, good writing requires not only perfect grammar and punctuation, but proper sentence structure and engaging content to keep readers coming back.
During week 6, we focused on how to develop unity and cohesion in your paragraphs while clearly stating your problem and solutions.
We defined well-developed writing as being able to explain your ideas in an interesting and structured way. To do this, you learned how to structure your paragraphs and write compelling thesis statements. You also learned how to use transitions to link ideas and create continuity in your writing.
Let’s take a look at another example paragraph.
Students who study and work have to balance their schedules carefully. Because they have so many tasks that need to be completed and only a fixed amount of time available to do them, students usually need to budget their time wisely. It can be very difficult for students to make time for all of their obligations and complete all their tasks.
It’s obvious that the paragraph above is not as well developed as it could be because there are repeated ideas, no explanation of the problem and no given solution for solving the problem. Because of this we don’t really get enough information to really be concerned about the topic.
Here is the paragraph again only this time using what we learned during week 6.
Students who study and work have to balance their schedules carefully. Because they have so many tasks that need to be completed and only a fixed amount of time available to do them, students usually need to budget their time wisely. Not budgeting their time correctly means they may miss important deadlines or have to rush their work leading to poor grades. Fortunately, there are several time management apps available that are free, work on any phone and are easy to use.
Now let’s see the revised paragraph
Many students who study and work have to balance their schedules carefully. They have to make time to go to class, go to work, and also complete their homework. If they don’t plan their time carefully, they may not be able to meet these obligations and then they will face serious consequences. They may lose money by not making time for work, or they may get bad grades in their classes by not having time to study. After these obligations are met, there are other activities many students enjoy, like spending time with friends, doing hobbies, or dating. They will not have time for these extra activities without balancing their schedules first. It can be very difficult for students to make time for all of their obligations, but it is essential to their success and well-being.
In the first example paragraph the writer stopped too soon thus it has poor development. The writer said that students need to balance their schedules carefully because they are busy, but didn’t give any examples or relevant details to support this sentence. Although the revised body paragraph has better development because it states that students need to balance their schedules carefully because they are busy, and it did not stop too soon. It lists several examples why students are busy, and why they should care about their time management, consequences that can happen if they don’t manage their time.
In order to find out whether your paragraph lacks development you can add or revise the supporting sentences. Supporting sentences can give examples, explanations, details, descriptions, facts, reasons, etc. Which types of supporting sentences you use will depend on your topic.
Now you can start revising your paragraph by asking questions about the topic sentence (or the other supporting sentences); questions like “Why?” “Like what?” and “How?”
We can ask the following questions to revise the example paragraph:
Students are busy.
Question: Why are students busy?
Because they have many obligations.
Question: What obligations?
School, work, homework.
Question: Why should they fulfill all of these obligations?
So they don’t face serious consequences.
Question: Like what?
Losing money or getting bad grades.
The answers to these questions can give you ideas to include that will help you develop your paragraph.
Pro Tip!
Writing is just like any other learned skill and with enough practice and patience, you’ll be amazed at the progress you’ll make!